Elaine ran a business with her husband during their 5 year marriage and from the start her divorce was acrimonious. She spent time finding the right solicitor, someone she knew would be able to negotiate well on her behalf.
“When you are going through divorce you are under so much pressure, it is almost impossible to think straight,” says Elaine whose has recently got divorced. “You need someone on your side who will help you focus on the important things. That is why finding a solicitor you get on well with is so important.”
Elaine describes her five year marriage as “mentally abusive” and from the start her divorce was acrimonious. She says her lawyer, Michael Lowry from Stephens Scown, was “quite simply a rock. He is such a measured and kind person and a very good listener. I felt so alone, but straight away he told me that he’d seen this kind of situation many times before, which made me feel so much better. He helped me stand my ground and prepared me for what lay ahead.”
Elaine ran a business with her husband, which meant that she had to continue working with him for several months after they had separated. “It was so hard. I’m in my early 60s, so instead of retiring soon, I will have to work for longer, but it is a price I’m more than happy to pay. I valued my sanity, health and happiness, so I knew I had to focus on finding a better future for myself.”
The stress of the divorce took its toll on Elaine’s health. “I sought treatment from my GP and I’ve found the support of a counsellor to be invaluable.”
She recommends that anyone finding themselves in a similar position gets a support network in place. “You will need as many crutches as possible. That could be friends or family, medical professionals or other support. You need to do what you can to make sense of what is happening. It is so important to take care of yourself, particularly your mental health.”
Elaine found great solace in her pet dog. “The routine of getting up to feed and walk my dog got me out of bed on so many times when I don’t think I would otherwise have faced the day. Without my dog every day would have been a duvet day! “
“Getting outside and walking in the fresh air gave me space to get my thoughts in order. A dog is not for everyone, but I would definitely recommend being active and spending time in nature to help cope with stress.”
Elaine has endured a tough few years. How does she feel now? “I’ve never been so happy. I feel so fortunate to be at this point in my life. I have so much to look forward to, surrounded by loving family and friends.”
Elaine is pragmatic when she thinks about facing the future. “There are many people in the same position as me, having to start again in their 60s. It is not as scary as I thought it would be. This is an exciting new start.”
Elaine’s advice
– Spend time to find the right solicitor. You need to get on well with them, but you also need to know that they will be able to negotiate well on your behalf.
– Believe what your solicitor is telling you. They are the experts and have done this hundreds of times before. It may mean they advise you to go against your instincts sometimes, but there will always be a good reason for this.
– You can be proactive and take back control, even if you have endured a very controlling relationship.
– Exercise and fresh air are important for your physical and mental wellbeing. If you can, take some time to go for a walk every day.
No matter what your circumstances are, if you find yourself starting 2018 with a divorce, please have faith that things will get better. You are not alone and there is help and support available for you. Sometimes the hardest parts of your life are also the start of a new beginning.
Our team of expert lawyers have many years of experience in handling divorce cases sensitively and professionally. Visit our family law pages for more information, give us a call on 0345 450 5558.