One of the areas where dispute often arises between parents is the day-to-day care that they expect to be provided to their child. This can be particularly difficult if the parents hold different values and beliefs, either generally or specifically in regards to the way in which children should be brought up.
There may be a differential between an “allowed to explore” ethos and a more “rules and regulation” ethos in terms of upbringing.
In such circumstances, the Court is highly unlikely to try to distinguish between which ethos of childcare is better and impose a specific requirement upon a parent in terms of the way in which they bring up their children.
Reality for Children
For children, there is a clear acceptance that generally children do better with well-established routines and certainty, whatever these may be and it can be confusing for children to have two entirely different regimes in different households. Consequently, it is incumbent upon parents if at all possible to reach agreements in this regard and undertake an agreed method of parenting if at all possible.
That being said however, as indicated in previous articles where both parents hold parental responsibility they are entitled to determine what they consider is in their child’s best interest and to provide the appropriate care to secure the same.
Consequently for example it is not necessary for one parent to have the other’s consent to determine what the child’s bedtime might be, how much television they might be allowed to watch, how often they should bathe etc.
Clearly there are circumstances where failures to provide proper and appropriate day-to-care parenting are significant in determining the suitability or otherwise of contact, particularly if one parent is unable to actually understand and/or provide for that child’s needs (if a child has a disability or special needs it is essential both parents understand this and provide proper and appropriate child-focused care).
This would not necessarily prevent contact from taking place but might have a significant impact on the type and level of contact that is provided i.e. potentially restricting the number of nights that a child might stay with the parent if their abilities and capacity to parent is less than should be expected.
With the significant rise in belief of a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle, this can also lead to disputes between parents, where one is committed to such a lifestyle and the other is not.
The courts say
In circumstances where one parent has a substantial amount of contact with the child, it is unlikely that a Court would impose a requirement that that parent follow the moral views and upbringing that the other parent might wish but in circumstances where the levels of contact might be relatively low and/or limited, there is a greater probability that the Court might require the same to be imposed given the potential impacts on the child’s emotional and psychological makeup if they are being strongly required to follow a particular path with one parent but not by the other in relatively limited circumstances when they have contact.
I would generally advise clients in general terms, the Court would expect each parent to make the appropriate decisions for the period of time that the child is in their care and it is highly unlikely that a Court will seek to impose and/or require that parent to follow the other parent’s personally-held beliefs.
Summary
Whatever the position might be however, the Court would usually expect that the parents should identify and acknowledge a respect for the other parent’s views, wishes and opinions, particularly in the discussion of these with the child to avoid a child being placed in the position where they feel obliged to choose between their respective parents or where they feel that they are in effect required to hide what they do or undertake with one parent from the other.
The more open, honest, and respectful of the other’s position that the parents are, the less probability there is that a case will subsequently find its way to Court, with the Courts being required to make decisions in regards to the child’s care and upbringing as opposed to the parents themselves.
If you have asked any questions on differentials in daily routines being undertaken with children and would now like more information on the different types of proceedings relating to children, please get in touch and we would be happy to assist you.
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This article is part of a series on Private Family Law and Children Law proceedings. If you would like to learn more about the rules around parental responsibility, contact, holidays and arrangements for separated parents, please click here for the full series.
The next article in the series of private family law proceedings and misconceptions will address suitcases and belongings.
If you would like to discuss the different types of legal proceedings relating to children, please get in touch and we’d be happy to assist you.