It is sadly true that the divorce process can bring out the worst in people and is particularly challenging where one party has clinically diagnosed symptoms. On occasion, clients who consider that they are likely to be able to reach a reasonable and rational agreement with their spouse, become frustrated by the increasingly difficult and obstructive person they were once married to, when they come to discuss financial matters. Where one spouse has a medical diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, it may impact how the divorce is resolved.
A very basic definition for narcissistic personality disorder describes an individual as being “characterised by a life-long pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, a diminished ability or unwillingness to empathise with others’ feelings, and interpersonally exploitative behaviour”. Obviously, as with any psychological symptom, it is often far more complex and nuanced than a basic description allows for, but it is helpful as a starting point. It’s also important to state that the condition can be managed and shouldn’t stand in the way of a divorce’s progress.
While it can be helpful to have the symptom’s characteristics in mind while going through the divorce process, it is important not to become so focused on these behaviours that you lose sight of the end goal and of a sensible way forward. If you felt that your spouse was exhibiting narcissistic behaviours, we would need to discuss what that looked like in practice for you, and the extent to which it was going to be relevant to the divorce. It is rare that a clinical diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder will have an impact on the final outcome, but it may be relevant to how that outcome is achieved.
You may be, understandably, less willing to agree to mediation if you consider that your spouse has such a medical diagnosis, particularly if those behaviours manifested as a form of abuse or gaslighting which you consider a barrier to reaching an agreement. Equally, it is possible that you will be more likely to need to issue financial proceedings, if your spouse is unwilling to make necessary and fair compromises in relation to finances, but this should always be done in consultation with your legal advisor.
At Stephens Scown, our Family team are very experienced at representing clients with partners who have been medically diagnosed with personality disorders, including narcissistic personality disorder, and we can work with you to ensure that you are able to reach an agreement as quickly and as amicably as possible.