The breakdown of a relationship is an extremely stressful and emotional time. It is a huge change to your life, particularly if you have children and their emotions to manage as well. If it is not your choice that your relationship has ended it can be a similar experience to bereavement and mourning the loss of a loved one, with your joint planned future suddenly feeling uncertain and frightening.

Inevitably it takes time for you to process and feel stronger. Anger, anxiety, sadness, guilt, failure, freedom are some of the many feelings you may experience. It is important that you have the right support to help you through what may feel like an emotional roller-coaster and make sure you look after yourself so that you can rebuild your own confidence, ready to face the divorce process and focus on making sure the future is right for you. Through our experience supporting individuals in this position we have the following tips to share:

Get the right emotional support

Your feelings can change day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. This is completely normal and it is natural and positive to talk about how you are feeling. Friends and family can offer excellent support and you will share your feelings with your lawyer. However, counselling can be an essential part of the support package you need.

Counselling provides a space for you to talk freely about what you have been through and how you feel in complete confidence, away from family members who may struggle to deal with that in addition to their own emotions. This non-judgmental environment can help you understand and come to terms with what has happened. You may feel embarrassed about going to a counsellor but there is absolutely no shame in wanting to talk through what you are experiencing and to have your feelings acknowledged. Verbalising your feelings is the starting point to navigating how you feel and taking control – it is empowering. Counsellors are trained to help support you through this part of your life and will help you regain confidence and rebuild the self-esteem you may have lost.

We have in-house counsellors who support our clients and have seen how much our clients who take up this support are better able to focus on the practical tasks they face in the legal process, having a separate outlet for their emotions. It can be hard to understand and accept that very little of the emotional effects of separation are factored into the legal process. If these very important feelings are not acknowledged and listened to they can cloud negotiations and prevent progress, often increasing legal costs. With a counsellor to go through those things with you can then work with your lawyers more cost-efficiently, making the key decisions you need to resolve the financial issues and agree arrangements for children. You will find that you will give clearer instructions to your lawyer which can save a huge amount in legal fees.

Make time for yourself and do something you enjoy

Life can be busy and for many, juggling taking the children to school, working a full time job and managing the family home, days can merge into the next which can be draining if you are not taking care of yourself. The reality is: everyone needs a break to recharge their batteries.

It is always important to find time for you. Whether you choose to go out for lunch with friends, watch a film at the cinema, head outdoors for a walk, go for a spa day, or spend some quality time with your family, your choices are limitless and you should not feel guilty for taking some time out to boost your own energy levels. At first it can feel strange to socialise without your ex partner but do keep getting out there as it will then start to feel more normal and you will be able to feel more positive about the future when you can visualise it.

Make sure you keep active

To help reduce your anxiety and stress levels and lift your mood, try some form of exercise. Whether it be a real stress relieving cardio session or a more relaxing class such as yoga or meditation, it will help your mental wellbeing. Exercise can also help you relax and sleep better, which is key to helping you recover and keep a positive mind-set.

Eat well

When life is busy it is easy to forget or not have the time to make yourself a balanced meal, ensuring you have all the necessary vitamins and minerals you require to keep you healthy. It is important to make sure you keep to your regular mealtime routine each day and keep yourself hydrated. Meal times can be an important family time and this should not be lost because of your relationship breakdown – try to maintain as much normality for your children and you as possible – it will help you to get through the changes you are going through.